Update 1: New Job

I changed jobs near the beginning of this month. While I hadn't been actively searching for a job, I happened to find a listing for a job that really interested me at UMKC. I had been thinking more and more that I wanted to work in a University setting, and UMKC had been on my list of choices. When I saw the listing I kind of freaked out because I couldn't believe it. From the job description to the benefits and everything else it was exactly what I had been looking for. But the job had been posted for several weeks already. I was afraid I was too late to apply. I got my application and resume together that night and got it in the mail the next day. Whether I had already missed the opportunity or not, I knew wouldn't feel right about it if I didn't at least try.

The next week I got an email from UMKC. They wanted to see some samples of my work. A spark of hope ignited inside me, but I tried not to fan it into a flame. I didn't want to get disappointed. I hate sending samples without being able to explain my work, but I sent them off anyway and crossed my fingers. I got a phone call asking for an interview the next day. I couldn't believe it.

While I was excited about the possibility of a new job, I hadn't gotten it yet and I didn't want to lose my current job. Because of they way my bosses had immediately figured out about the last interview I had gone on a few years ago, I knew that they would be extremely suspicious of any out of the ordinary behavior. I was very careful about not telling my coworkers anything about the job and I found a way to ask for time off without drawing too much attention to it. I spent that weekend getting my portfolio updated, but my current job unwittingly managed to make my life as difficult as possible that weekend. A project that had already caused much strife in my emotional and creative stability several times reared its extraordinarily ugly head again.

It was a project I had never wanted to think about again. A project that had prompted a "pep talk" with my bosses that was anything but and had nearly led me to a mental breakdown (and an emotional breakdown that actually happened). A project that had put me in such a state of extreme stress that I could barely eat and often threw up in the mornings because I was dreading going into work. Ironically, it was a project aimed at university students--the very audience I was wanting to find a job working for. But in the end it wasn't the project itself that had stressed me out. It was my frustration with the fact that no matter how hard I tried to do the best work I absolutely could--it never satisfied my bosses. They would censor my ideas and restrain me at every turn, and yet they had the gall to tell me that I was not being crazy enough and not taking enough risks. Why would I even consider taking a risk with something when it would only result in them forcing me to dumb it down before the client even saw it?

I managed to survive the weekend, working feverishly on my portfolio and leave behinds while trying to work in a photo shoot for that project (on the weekend, mind you, and Father's Day to boot). By the time the interview finally happened, I was simply ready for it to be over. It went really well--but once again, I was unwilling to get my hopes up. I had made it through without losing my current job, so I was satisfied.

The next morning I was on my way to work and got a phone call. I thought it was my mom. It was UMKC calling to ask me to come in for a second interview that morning. I obviously couldn't make it then, but I scheduled the meeting for Friday morning instead. I was elated. I knew it was too soon to assume anything, but I felt encouraged by the fact that I had gone as far as I had if nothing else. After several years of verbal abuse and constant disparagement my self esteem was dangerously low. I had begun to wonder if it would even be possible to find another job.

My interview on Friday was with the Vice Chancellor. It was informal and very relaxed. I was more excited than ever about the job when I heard about the structure of the department and where it was headed. I was so excited I could hardly stand it, but I somehow survived the rest of the day at work.

That afternoon I got a phone call. I got the job. Squeals of ecstatic job erupted in my apartment the moment I hung up the phone. I had done it. I was afraid of delivering my notice at work, but compared to the hell I had been going through it was easy--and sadly predictable... Lies about how insignificant I had been to them. Lies about how they had known for some time I was looking for a new job (which was really a joke considering I had gotten the first job I looked for). Abuse about how I belonged at a University because the work load was so much lighter and I would get six months to do a project. Looking back on that last one really makes me laugh. It's definitely not true--and I knew it even at the time. I felt no regrets. I had given them enough of my time. It was time to move on.