Why is it always rainy on Halloween? It's odd just how consistent this correlation is... I pity the poor children forced to walk around in genie or fairy outfits with skin exposed to the cold, wet air. Hopefully the weather will clear up for them. I say that, and yet part of me thinks that I hope it doesn't clear up because it never cleared up for me when I was a little kid and I always had to go trick or treating in the rain. And walk up hill both ways too! Yeah!
Anyway, I had a nice weekend. Had fun at lizalou's b-day/halloween party. Worked on some creative stuff. Finished Ouendan (now it's time for the expert level!). Suffered with my addiction to Death Note. I was also really tired over the weekend even though I got more sleep than I should have needed. I also dreamed a lot, so perhaps that was why the sleep didn't seem terribly effective. I feel pretty good today, luckily. And tonight I will get to see the Mirage of Blaze OAV, the sequel. And boy does it look like some yaoi goodness. Oh, yes. And maybe we'll actually get a little bit of resolution to the storyline too. That would be awesome. Speaking of yaoi, I've already decided that I will absolutely have to find some Death Note doujinshi when I go to Japan again--because I will go to Japan again. It will happen. I just know it.
I found some really amusing pictures of Japanese Death Note cosplayers as well. It totally cracked me up. They're very serious about it in the pictures, and for a second I actually thought it was live action. (lizalou, I'm guessing this is where you got that icon from that you were telling me about).
I'm kind of blah today as far as thinking of creative things to say. Partially because I have this weird kink in my neck that's really annoying. But, anyway, enough whining. I'll make another post when I have more to say, I guess...
Monday, October 31, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Lessons
I had a dream the other night that I was at a flute lesson. I haven't taken flute lessons since high school, but in my dream it was as if I had only taken a break for the summer and had started flute lessons again along with school—though I did comment in my dream that it felt a lot longer than just a summer. I don't remember a lot of details about my dream, in fact it seemed rather ordinary aside from the fact that it was out of date, but it definitely brought back emotions I hadn't felt in a long time. I love music, and I definitely loved it back then, between participating in choir and band in school and Youth Symphony, Wind Ensemble and Flute Choir outside of school. I took flute lessons and voice lessons and competed as a soloist. Looking back, I wonder how I had the energy for all of that—or the time. Of course, back then I had few friends, so socializing took up little of my time.
Anyway, so in my dream I was sitting at my flute teacher's house and we were talking before we started the lesson. I would always try to prolong this part because I really enjoyed talking with my teacher, but also prolonged it because I often failed to practice as much as I should have. I scraped by most of the time on talent I guess, because I could have been a lot better if I had been more dilligent about practicing. But anyway, there were many times when I felt like my flute teacher was a mentor for me in ways beyond music. Always calm, always thoughtful and supportive, Dr. Johnson was often a therapist for me as well as an instructor. I admired her a lot, and now that I think about it, I would say that she was a bit of a role model for me. I can't say I have become anything like her, but I certainly always respected her and looked up to her. She was so elegant in everything she did. Her handwriting was immaculate, she always paused before she spoke and carefully considered her words (a habit I certainly could use a little help with). She was classy and eloquent, and an excellent teacher as well.
So, enough gushing. The question is: why did I have a dream about her? I think I have an idea. I'm feeling a little lost right now, a little confused on my direction in life. All my life I've worked hard, and reaped the rewards of that effort, but there is only one area academically that I would continuously fail. I excelled in music when I was a big fish in a little pond. I even excelled in slightly bigger ponds. But when the pond got too big, when I was asked to perform at an even higher level, I would always reach a point where I crumbled under the pressure. A point where I began to doubt myself. I knew I could do it, but I would doubt myself at a critical moment and drop the ball. And now, I feel like I'm doing the same thing. I'm at that point in my career. I need to reach that next level, but it feel's like climbing a sheer cliff. I'm trying so hard, but there comes a time when it's not about effort anymore; it's about confidence and believing in yourself and pushing yourself beyond your boundaries and overcoming obstacles.
Anyway, so in my dream I was sitting at my flute teacher's house and we were talking before we started the lesson. I would always try to prolong this part because I really enjoyed talking with my teacher, but also prolonged it because I often failed to practice as much as I should have. I scraped by most of the time on talent I guess, because I could have been a lot better if I had been more dilligent about practicing. But anyway, there were many times when I felt like my flute teacher was a mentor for me in ways beyond music. Always calm, always thoughtful and supportive, Dr. Johnson was often a therapist for me as well as an instructor. I admired her a lot, and now that I think about it, I would say that she was a bit of a role model for me. I can't say I have become anything like her, but I certainly always respected her and looked up to her. She was so elegant in everything she did. Her handwriting was immaculate, she always paused before she spoke and carefully considered her words (a habit I certainly could use a little help with). She was classy and eloquent, and an excellent teacher as well.
So, enough gushing. The question is: why did I have a dream about her? I think I have an idea. I'm feeling a little lost right now, a little confused on my direction in life. All my life I've worked hard, and reaped the rewards of that effort, but there is only one area academically that I would continuously fail. I excelled in music when I was a big fish in a little pond. I even excelled in slightly bigger ponds. But when the pond got too big, when I was asked to perform at an even higher level, I would always reach a point where I crumbled under the pressure. A point where I began to doubt myself. I knew I could do it, but I would doubt myself at a critical moment and drop the ball. And now, I feel like I'm doing the same thing. I'm at that point in my career. I need to reach that next level, but it feel's like climbing a sheer cliff. I'm trying so hard, but there comes a time when it's not about effort anymore; it's about confidence and believing in yourself and pushing yourself beyond your boundaries and overcoming obstacles.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Fixed
I think I should have the glitches with my blog fixed. If you are still having viewing problems, please let me know. According to callowqueen I had already fixed the problem for her, though it still showed up when I was testing the page on my PC. Anyway, it looks right on my PC now so I hope it looks right for everyone else as well.
I'm working on updating my website now—a project I've needed to work on for quite some time now... Unfortunately, it's one of those tasks that just gets put off until you get to the point where you look at your design and think, “I could do so much better than that now.’ Then you find yourself wanting to redo it all, but then you'll get distracted before you finish and by the time you get back around to it again you won't like that design either.
So, I'm taking Franklin McMahon's advice and just jumping in, even if it isn't perfect. I can continue adjusting it as I go, but the important thing is to get content up there. Part of the reason I've been holding off on writing more of my fanfic is because I wanted to direct people to my newly redesigned website in the post. I'm pathetic, I know. But maybe I'll actually get that done too if I get the website done. I'm sick of having unfinished projects laying around everywhere. They start to wear on you after awhile.
I'll leave you with a little tidbit I found when I was browsing the internet the other day. The Surrealist has a bunch of random word and name games and I had fun playing around with them. Here are a couple I think you might appreciate.
Infinite Teen Slang Dictionary
yellow dancer
v. to dance with things, with no purpose or reason.
"I can't believe Dad tried to yellow dancer!"
sti fre min
n. slang for a particular chain of fast-food burger restaurants.
"My man, are you coming down to sti fre min's?"
shittah
adj. of a cheap nature.
"Reggie! That's totally shittah!"
good clue
n. a particularly colourful video.
"Homie, where's my good clue?"
shiz
interj. a retort used to warn someone to back away.
"You'd better shiz, Jesse."
clandestine
interj. a statement of strong disagreement.
"Nigel, can I understand your vehicle?" "Clandestine!"
I'm working on updating my website now—a project I've needed to work on for quite some time now... Unfortunately, it's one of those tasks that just gets put off until you get to the point where you look at your design and think, “I could do so much better than that now.’ Then you find yourself wanting to redo it all, but then you'll get distracted before you finish and by the time you get back around to it again you won't like that design either.
So, I'm taking Franklin McMahon's advice and just jumping in, even if it isn't perfect. I can continue adjusting it as I go, but the important thing is to get content up there. Part of the reason I've been holding off on writing more of my fanfic is because I wanted to direct people to my newly redesigned website in the post. I'm pathetic, I know. But maybe I'll actually get that done too if I get the website done. I'm sick of having unfinished projects laying around everywhere. They start to wear on you after awhile.
I'll leave you with a little tidbit I found when I was browsing the internet the other day. The Surrealist has a bunch of random word and name games and I had fun playing around with them. Here are a couple I think you might appreciate.
Infinite Teen Slang Dictionary
yellow dancer
v. to dance with things, with no purpose or reason.
"I can't believe Dad tried to yellow dancer!"
sti fre min
n. slang for a particular chain of fast-food burger restaurants.
"My man, are you coming down to sti fre min's?"
shittah
adj. of a cheap nature.
"Reggie! That's totally shittah!"
good clue
n. a particularly colourful video.
"Homie, where's my good clue?"
shiz
interj. a retort used to warn someone to back away.
"You'd better shiz, Jesse."
clandestine
interj. a statement of strong disagreement.
"Nigel, can I understand your vehicle?" "Clandestine!"
Monday, October 17, 2005
What Weekend?
Dude, I need a weekend from my weekend. It was mostly fun, but I'm totally wiped out from it... I want to curl up in a ball and go back to bed SO BAD!
I took off early Friday (though not as early as expected) to go to Lawrence with neowolf for Late Night in the Phog (who knew 6:30 was "late night). We ate a wonderful, very filling linner--or dunch, whichever you prefer to call lunch/dinner--at El Mezcal. Then we headed over to Allen Fieldhouse to wait in line. It was a beautiful day for sitting outside, so we didn't mind. Our seats weren't as awesome as the seats we got a couple years ago, but we did get programs though I had to steal one of them back sneakily when one of the people around us tried to steal it (Just because I picked up the M&M's package that I was using as a paperweight for one second doesn't mean I forfeit my right to the program. This isn't capture the flag! You can't claim the base just because I want an M&M!). So, anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so there are a lot of new players and I'm totally confused because half of them picked the same numbers as people who had just graduated--or left for, ahem, other reasons. It's going to take me awhile to forget that Simien was 23 and Giddens was 15. Gah!
There is also an incredibly cute redhead who is actually from Overland Park on the team this year. Neowolf and I were acting all goofy about him, but then I noticed that he's a redshirted Freshman and I wanted to cry! No redhead cutie on TV basketball games for us! Oh well. Some of the newbies look pretty kickass already talent-wise, though--Mario Chalmers and Micah Downs in particular. The fieldhouse has gotten a major facelift as well. The new scoreboard is pretty cool, though I have to admit I miss the cheesy Rock Chalk animations from the old scoreboard. The videos they played were pretty amusing at points as well, especially when things got shiny. It's difficult to describe, but I can only conclude that though the video was from games in the past, the video itself must be from the future. ;)
So, after Late Night, we made our way back to the car, and then back to KC. We stopped off at my house to pick up some things and then headed for neowolf's new place to meet up with lizalou. We ran to Quiktrip for some beverageonies (ie cappuccino) and then giggled, played some Osa! Tatakae! Ouendan! and Nintendogs on the DS (enough to make me obsessed) and then we watched some Heat Guy J. Funny name for a really good show. It's such a pretty show and I was so tired when we watched it that I thought I might have hallucinated it. The fact that all the characters look like Escaflowne characters didn't help...
We stayed up till 4am or so, slept until 10:30 and then picked up some lunch. Saturday is pretty much a blur because I was so tired, but there was more Heat Guy watching, giddiness about Death Note between lizalou and I and then at some point I made my way home and went to bed--but only after taking a nice long bath. Baths feel so good when you haven't gotten enough sleep, or showered all day.
Sunday, I played my flute at mass, sang with the choir, ran some errands around town, helped my parents on getting the house ready for the carpeting and linoleum people and painted a room. Then this morning I had a 7:30 am doctor appointment, so I had to force myself out of bed, eat breakfast in the living room (yes, our refrigerator is in the living room, as is our dining table and stove. It's so weird!) and head in the opposite direction from work for my appointment. I still ended up getting to work really early so I made this post.
And here we are. Is it naptime yet?
I took off early Friday (though not as early as expected) to go to Lawrence with neowolf for Late Night in the Phog (who knew 6:30 was "late night). We ate a wonderful, very filling linner--or dunch, whichever you prefer to call lunch/dinner--at El Mezcal. Then we headed over to Allen Fieldhouse to wait in line. It was a beautiful day for sitting outside, so we didn't mind. Our seats weren't as awesome as the seats we got a couple years ago, but we did get programs though I had to steal one of them back sneakily when one of the people around us tried to steal it (Just because I picked up the M&M's package that I was using as a paperweight for one second doesn't mean I forfeit my right to the program. This isn't capture the flag! You can't claim the base just because I want an M&M!). So, anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so there are a lot of new players and I'm totally confused because half of them picked the same numbers as people who had just graduated--or left for, ahem, other reasons. It's going to take me awhile to forget that Simien was 23 and Giddens was 15. Gah!
There is also an incredibly cute redhead who is actually from Overland Park on the team this year. Neowolf and I were acting all goofy about him, but then I noticed that he's a redshirted Freshman and I wanted to cry! No redhead cutie on TV basketball games for us! Oh well. Some of the newbies look pretty kickass already talent-wise, though--Mario Chalmers and Micah Downs in particular. The fieldhouse has gotten a major facelift as well. The new scoreboard is pretty cool, though I have to admit I miss the cheesy Rock Chalk animations from the old scoreboard. The videos they played were pretty amusing at points as well, especially when things got shiny. It's difficult to describe, but I can only conclude that though the video was from games in the past, the video itself must be from the future. ;)
So, after Late Night, we made our way back to the car, and then back to KC. We stopped off at my house to pick up some things and then headed for neowolf's new place to meet up with lizalou. We ran to Quiktrip for some beverageonies (ie cappuccino) and then giggled, played some Osa! Tatakae! Ouendan! and Nintendogs on the DS (enough to make me obsessed) and then we watched some Heat Guy J. Funny name for a really good show. It's such a pretty show and I was so tired when we watched it that I thought I might have hallucinated it. The fact that all the characters look like Escaflowne characters didn't help...
We stayed up till 4am or so, slept until 10:30 and then picked up some lunch. Saturday is pretty much a blur because I was so tired, but there was more Heat Guy watching, giddiness about Death Note between lizalou and I and then at some point I made my way home and went to bed--but only after taking a nice long bath. Baths feel so good when you haven't gotten enough sleep, or showered all day.
Sunday, I played my flute at mass, sang with the choir, ran some errands around town, helped my parents on getting the house ready for the carpeting and linoleum people and painted a room. Then this morning I had a 7:30 am doctor appointment, so I had to force myself out of bed, eat breakfast in the living room (yes, our refrigerator is in the living room, as is our dining table and stove. It's so weird!) and head in the opposite direction from work for my appointment. I still ended up getting to work really early so I made this post.
And here we are. Is it naptime yet?
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
tests
A few tests I borrowed from lizalou. I'm too tired at the moment to be very philosophical about them.
| Your Blog Should Be Green |
 Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff. You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas. However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog. |
| You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful |
You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. When it comes to who's in charge, it's you. Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler. You don't care much about what others think. But they better care what you think! |
| You Are a Henna Gaijin! |
 You're not Japanese, but you wish you were! You can use chopsticks with your eyes closed, and you've memorized hundreds of Kanji. You even answer your phone "moshi moshi." While the number of anime videos you've seen is way higher than the number of dates you've been on, there's hope. Play the sexy, mysterous gaijin, and you'll have plenty of Japanese meat. |
| Your Hair Should Be Purple |
 Intense, thoughtful, and unconventional. You're always philosophizing and inspiring others with your insights. |
Friday, October 07, 2005
Technical Difficulties
Thought I would mention to Internet Exploder users for the PC:
I am now aware that you are having viewing issues with my blog, namely that the post start several pages down. I'm working on fixing the problem. That's what I get for not double-checking and testing my own stuff as much as I do my work stuff.
I am now aware that you are having viewing issues with my blog, namely that the post start several pages down. I'm working on fixing the problem. That's what I get for not double-checking and testing my own stuff as much as I do my work stuff.
4 8 15 16 23 42
I suppose it's about time I browsed some forums and did some brainstorming about all the mysteries of LOST. I think I held off so long partially because I didn't want to spoil myself and partially because I wanted to develop my own theories without influences. Then I decided I was stupid and lazy and far too obsessed with far too many things to actually spend enough time studying and reawatching LOST to find all the clues. Why go to all that effort when thousands of other nerdy fans have already done that work for me?
So, anyway, I came across some interesting bits of info and theories amongst all the driftwood. Everyone and their dog has a theory about the numbers though I've yet to see anyone point out that the last number is the answer to the life, the universe and everything. The introduction of the Dharma initiative in the most recent episode also raises a number of interesting theories. Combined with the strange quote from Jin at the end of the preview that apparently was actually a clip from some interview with the actor, and the fact that the man in the orientation video was Asian, some have theorized that Jin does speak English and was sent to this island by Sun's father who owns the whole Dharma initiative project. I think that's a little farfetched, but it's funny how people get all bent out of shape over previews. There's also some crazy theory about a book some one made up with a theory about the numbers and genetic mirroring or something... If it sounds too good to be true that's because it is.
Anyway, I thought these websites were rather interesting:
Oceanic Airlines
Hanso Foundation
This is also rather funny. If you go to the official website here and click on the barcode at the bottom and type in "theislandiswaiting" you get a pretty amusing bit of "discarded" script.
Lost Website
Also, I've found some discussion about the number 108 (the sum of the numbers in the sequence), including some that echoes my own thinking. I've included a couple of quotes on the subject:
"The number 108 is highly auspicious in the Buddhist religion. Buddhist mallas ("rosaries") have 108 beads; it is a custom among Japanese Buddhists to ring a large bell 108 times at the beginning of each year for new year's luck; and among some sects of Buddhism, there are said to be 108 human beings who could have achieved nirvana or buddhahood, but have chosen to reincarnate on Earth to serve suffering humanity."
"We encounter the figure 108 frequently in Buddhism, now once as the number of large Bodhisattvas, then as the number of mental disorders against which boeddha offered Dharma-doors, which means treatments."
"could this be the relation between 108 and sick. And could it be that Dharma doors 4-8-15-16-23-42 are the "doors" to be used (is there a door for every mental disorder)????"
"did they open the hatch on the 40th day? maybe they will open one on the 80th 150th 160th 230th and 420th day..."
I also hadn't noticed that the shark which attacks Michael and Sawyer has the Dharma symbol on it... That makes me think that it and the other examples of a "security system" do have something to do with the Dharma Initiative after all.
Well, enough theorizing for now...
So, anyway, I came across some interesting bits of info and theories amongst all the driftwood. Everyone and their dog has a theory about the numbers though I've yet to see anyone point out that the last number is the answer to the life, the universe and everything. The introduction of the Dharma initiative in the most recent episode also raises a number of interesting theories. Combined with the strange quote from Jin at the end of the preview that apparently was actually a clip from some interview with the actor, and the fact that the man in the orientation video was Asian, some have theorized that Jin does speak English and was sent to this island by Sun's father who owns the whole Dharma initiative project. I think that's a little farfetched, but it's funny how people get all bent out of shape over previews. There's also some crazy theory about a book some one made up with a theory about the numbers and genetic mirroring or something... If it sounds too good to be true that's because it is.
Anyway, I thought these websites were rather interesting:
Oceanic Airlines
Hanso Foundation
This is also rather funny. If you go to the official website here and click on the barcode at the bottom and type in "theislandiswaiting" you get a pretty amusing bit of "discarded" script.
Lost Website
Also, I've found some discussion about the number 108 (the sum of the numbers in the sequence), including some that echoes my own thinking. I've included a couple of quotes on the subject:
"The number 108 is highly auspicious in the Buddhist religion. Buddhist mallas ("rosaries") have 108 beads; it is a custom among Japanese Buddhists to ring a large bell 108 times at the beginning of each year for new year's luck; and among some sects of Buddhism, there are said to be 108 human beings who could have achieved nirvana or buddhahood, but have chosen to reincarnate on Earth to serve suffering humanity."
"We encounter the figure 108 frequently in Buddhism, now once as the number of large Bodhisattvas, then as the number of mental disorders against which boeddha offered Dharma-doors, which means treatments."
"could this be the relation between 108 and sick. And could it be that Dharma doors 4-8-15-16-23-42 are the "doors" to be used (is there a door for every mental disorder)????"
"did they open the hatch on the 40th day? maybe they will open one on the 80th 150th 160th 230th and 420th day..."
I also hadn't noticed that the shark which attacks Michael and Sawyer has the Dharma symbol on it... That makes me think that it and the other examples of a "security system" do have something to do with the Dharma Initiative after all.
Well, enough theorizing for now...
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Landmarks Are Made to Be Destroyed
It's an interesting quirk of the human psyche that as much as we enjoy seeing monuments built as a landmark for generations to come, we also enjoy imagining what it would be like to see those monuments destroyed, to watch them all come tumbling down. Perhaps I should have said it was a sick, twisted quirk. But it is true nonetheless. All you have to do is watch an action movie.
Destruction is interesting to watch. This has something to do with its speed, and something to do with the fact that we rarely get to see such events personally. Creation usually takes a long time; it requires vision and dedication to see it through to its end, and though its interesting to see it happen in a time lapse or historically recounted way, it is often too slow to keep our interest. Destruction generally happens very quickly. For all the time and effort it takes to build something from scratch, it can be destroyed in a matter of seconds with disgustingly little effort.
I suppose I've been thinking about this lately because I've been watching too much Full Metal Panic, and it's made me realize that Tokyo Tower is no longer the favorite landmark for destruction in anime. Odaiba, a man made island in Tokyo Bay, is one of the newest targets for fantasy destruction. I freaked when I saw a mecha fight taking place at Tokyo Big Sight, the location where we attended the Tokyo Anime Fair. Though I have yet to see it be destroyed, the enormous ferris wheel on Odaiba has also made an appearance in just about every anime I've seen lately. Too bad I didn't get a chance to ride on it while I was there. (I have a feeling it will be the next landmark to be destroyed by mecha or some kind of apocalyptic circumstance. I'm sure Clamp would be tempted to destroy it if they ever managed to finish X.
Though I don't really enjoy seeing landmarks destroyed I do like seeing places I've visited in animation. Even if it's only for a moment before they're turned into dust.
Destruction is interesting to watch. This has something to do with its speed, and something to do with the fact that we rarely get to see such events personally. Creation usually takes a long time; it requires vision and dedication to see it through to its end, and though its interesting to see it happen in a time lapse or historically recounted way, it is often too slow to keep our interest. Destruction generally happens very quickly. For all the time and effort it takes to build something from scratch, it can be destroyed in a matter of seconds with disgustingly little effort.
I suppose I've been thinking about this lately because I've been watching too much Full Metal Panic, and it's made me realize that Tokyo Tower is no longer the favorite landmark for destruction in anime. Odaiba, a man made island in Tokyo Bay, is one of the newest targets for fantasy destruction. I freaked when I saw a mecha fight taking place at Tokyo Big Sight, the location where we attended the Tokyo Anime Fair. Though I have yet to see it be destroyed, the enormous ferris wheel on Odaiba has also made an appearance in just about every anime I've seen lately. Too bad I didn't get a chance to ride on it while I was there. (I have a feeling it will be the next landmark to be destroyed by mecha or some kind of apocalyptic circumstance. I'm sure Clamp would be tempted to destroy it if they ever managed to finish X.
Though I don't really enjoy seeing landmarks destroyed I do like seeing places I've visited in animation. Even if it's only for a moment before they're turned into dust.
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