Update 1: New Job

I changed jobs near the beginning of this month. While I hadn't been actively searching for a job, I happened to find a listing for a job that really interested me at UMKC. I had been thinking more and more that I wanted to work in a University setting, and UMKC had been on my list of choices. When I saw the listing I kind of freaked out because I couldn't believe it. From the job description to the benefits and everything else it was exactly what I had been looking for. But the job had been posted for several weeks already. I was afraid I was too late to apply. I got my application and resume together that night and got it in the mail the next day. Whether I had already missed the opportunity or not, I knew wouldn't feel right about it if I didn't at least try.

The next week I got an email from UMKC. They wanted to see some samples of my work. A spark of hope ignited inside me, but I tried not to fan it into a flame. I didn't want to get disappointed. I hate sending samples without being able to explain my work, but I sent them off anyway and crossed my fingers. I got a phone call asking for an interview the next day. I couldn't believe it.

While I was excited about the possibility of a new job, I hadn't gotten it yet and I didn't want to lose my current job. Because of they way my bosses had immediately figured out about the last interview I had gone on a few years ago, I knew that they would be extremely suspicious of any out of the ordinary behavior. I was very careful about not telling my coworkers anything about the job and I found a way to ask for time off without drawing too much attention to it. I spent that weekend getting my portfolio updated, but my current job unwittingly managed to make my life as difficult as possible that weekend. A project that had already caused much strife in my emotional and creative stability several times reared its extraordinarily ugly head again.

It was a project I had never wanted to think about again. A project that had prompted a "pep talk" with my bosses that was anything but and had nearly led me to a mental breakdown (and an emotional breakdown that actually happened). A project that had put me in such a state of extreme stress that I could barely eat and often threw up in the mornings because I was dreading going into work. Ironically, it was a project aimed at university students--the very audience I was wanting to find a job working for. But in the end it wasn't the project itself that had stressed me out. It was my frustration with the fact that no matter how hard I tried to do the best work I absolutely could--it never satisfied my bosses. They would censor my ideas and restrain me at every turn, and yet they had the gall to tell me that I was not being crazy enough and not taking enough risks. Why would I even consider taking a risk with something when it would only result in them forcing me to dumb it down before the client even saw it?

I managed to survive the weekend, working feverishly on my portfolio and leave behinds while trying to work in a photo shoot for that project (on the weekend, mind you, and Father's Day to boot). By the time the interview finally happened, I was simply ready for it to be over. It went really well--but once again, I was unwilling to get my hopes up. I had made it through without losing my current job, so I was satisfied.

The next morning I was on my way to work and got a phone call. I thought it was my mom. It was UMKC calling to ask me to come in for a second interview that morning. I obviously couldn't make it then, but I scheduled the meeting for Friday morning instead. I was elated. I knew it was too soon to assume anything, but I felt encouraged by the fact that I had gone as far as I had if nothing else. After several years of verbal abuse and constant disparagement my self esteem was dangerously low. I had begun to wonder if it would even be possible to find another job.

My interview on Friday was with the Vice Chancellor. It was informal and very relaxed. I was more excited than ever about the job when I heard about the structure of the department and where it was headed. I was so excited I could hardly stand it, but I somehow survived the rest of the day at work.

That afternoon I got a phone call. I got the job. Squeals of ecstatic job erupted in my apartment the moment I hung up the phone. I had done it. I was afraid of delivering my notice at work, but compared to the hell I had been going through it was easy--and sadly predictable... Lies about how insignificant I had been to them. Lies about how they had known for some time I was looking for a new job (which was really a joke considering I had gotten the first job I looked for). Abuse about how I belonged at a University because the work load was so much lighter and I would get six months to do a project. Looking back on that last one really makes me laugh. It's definitely not true--and I knew it even at the time. I felt no regrets. I had given them enough of my time. It was time to move on.

An Attempt to Catch Up

Has it really only been a month since I posted anything? It feels like a year. And enough has happened since then that I feel like I could have written a years worth of posts about everything as well. I'm going to do my best to catch my blog up with summaries of what happened--for my future reference if for nothing else. To keep things organized, I'll try to make separate posts about each particular crazy event or issue going on in my life recently.

It's an ironic fact that most of the time my life is boring enough that I have to struggle to find things to post about. But when significant things actually do happen to me, I'm usually so busy that I don't have time to post anything at all. That's how it has been for me lately. It actually got to the point where I was wishing my life would be a little less interesting because every day it seemed like I encountered something new or bizarre.

Only within the last few days do I feel like I'm starting to find a routine again and catch my breath. Can you tell I'm an introvert? I get overwhelmed with too much new input and life becomes nothing more than pure survival. While I don't want to be bored, I don't want to live me life in constant flux either. I'm ready to be bored.