I absolutely, completely, more than anything else, HATE making mistakes. Like, a lot. Really big time. Especially when I make the mistake at work.
I am a perfectionist, though my bosses may not realize it because I…drumroll please…make mistakes. A couple of considerations: first, I haven't even been at this job—my first full-time position in my field—an entire year yet (almost, but not quite); secondly, I am the youngest person in my office by at least fifteen years; third, when I feel a lot of pressure on time constraints and perfection, my brain tends to freeze. Some people work well under pressure. I, in general, do not.
I found out about another mistake I made today.
Now, I can think of several reasons why this particular mistake was made, but I don't want to make excuses. The fact is, I should have caught it and I don't know why I didn't. Granted, no one else caught it either on the first printing or before the second printing, and granted, I picked up the project from the other designer who had been working on it before me and the mistake was originally his—
Dammit. I just made excuses.
Anyway, my point is that things like this absolutely drive me crazy. I have a hard time letting them go because I want to be perfect. I want to be the best I can possibly be all the time without exception. That's just not possible. And the more I want it, and the harder I try to achieve it, the more I slide backwards, scraping and clawing at the rocky mountain of Success in desperation. Remember how I said I don't work well under pressure? That includes self-inflicted pressure. I need to feel a measure of security and pride in my work, so I don't feel like I'm being second-guessed every step of the way. I need to prove that I can consistently complete tasks without mistakes, and, just as importantly, that when I do make a mistake—as everyone does eventually no matter how perfect they may seem—there are processes of double-checking in place to catch my mistakes before it's too late.
I'm not looking for a scapegoat. It would just be nice to know I had a little backup, a little leeway for those idiotic brain-lapse mistakes you make when you're trying to make a brochure from start to finish in a few hours and get it sent to the printer by the end of the day. And it would be even nicer to know that I'm not at risk of being treated like a two-year-old who didn't clean her room when I do make an honest mistake.
I'm not perfect. But does that mean I can't be treated like an intelligent human being?
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3 comments:
Wow, your post just took me back twenty years to the time when my modus operandi was that I MUST achieve (insert goal here) before age 25. If the other people in your office are that much older than you, they appreciate that your obvious talents are offset by lack of experience. Unfortunately, you just have to put in years to take out experience. Striving to be perfect is admirable because it shows you really care about your work. That's a great quality. Remember that making mistakes is human. Learning from them and dealing with them without freaking are things bosses like to see.
When you get up tomorrow, tell yourself "I'm talented and I am only going to get better." Yell it if you want. It feels good.
You got a blog!! I mean, you've had a blog, but it was your own thing, but on this one I can comment!!
You are a perfectionist, it's not a bad this. Like Jet (Jeanette) said, it shows you care about your work. Me, I'm not a perfectionist on anything ('cept little personal things... do not comment, you...) so I don't really excel at anything. I'm a Judeau of all trades. (Sorry for the really bad pun, but it's a personal preference.)
Yay! Ima-- I'ma gonna have fun commenting here!
-l42
Oh my gosh, that's me. My first semester of teaching I made so many mistakes I said I would never make, and most of them were just complete lapses on my part, and I couldn't understand how when I was trying so hard I was making so many mistakes. So, far this semester has been better. Over break I just said, okay I have to relax, and so far that has made all the difference. Am able to take better note of the students, manage them better, present lessons better...not that I don't make mistakes, but so far (it's just been a month) I've been covering my tracks better. But I know the feeling.
Laurie
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