5 Minute Argument

"An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition . . . an argument is an intellectual process . . . contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says."

Yes, I know, I'm on a Monty Python kick this week. I've found a way to make everything somehow relate. That aside, this quote makes a point I feel to be very true.

I enjoy debates—well thought out discussions of a subject, with different people taking different points of view and trying to defend them . . . not because they are truly personally attached to any particular point of view, or because they are even angry or annoyed at all. An argument just for the sake of arguing, not one tied to emotions. I enjoy them, but that doesn't mean I'm always in the mood for them. They can be tiring in their own way if they go on too long or if your wits aren't up to the challenge.

Arguments based on pure emotion though are always exhausting and often leave you feeling weary of the world in general. Rarely are they uplifting, unless they were actually caused by some completely unrelated emotions that came out in an unexpected way. These kind of arguments, fueled by emotions which have nothing to do with the subject of the argument, can be a great stress reliever, but you better not pick your argument with someone who doesn't understand that you truly love them despite it all and that you're just blowing off steam. It's also a bad idea to always target the same person in such arguments without showing them positive attention as well. No one wants to be your whipping boy, and no matter how many times you apologize for your outbursts or how much the person understands your need for them, the constant bashing will wear the relationship down to nothing. In any case, it's always better to avoid one of these arguments if possible.

Now we come to my least favorite form of argument—though I admit I've certainly participated in a number of these kinds of arguments myself—contradiction. It can be fun sometimes, when both parties know it's just a game and are just being light-hearted about it, but this is not always the case. Contradiction happens naturally because not everyone agrees on everything, so, unless they are a yes man who always agrees just to get along, people will have opposite views from time to time. The problem comes in when the contradiction descends into a childish game of opposites where one or more parties always choose the other point of view. This can be a matter of pride, an attempt to squash another's pride by making them feel as if they are constantly wrong. It can be just a childish game with no other purpose other than to piss someone off. Or it can be a simple manifestation of a person's bad mood; they're feeling left out so they're going to be a martyr and always be the one on the other side of the fence whether its how they really view things or not.

I'll admit, I'm no stranger to contradiction. I'm probably better at it than I should be. But I also know how it feels to be on the other side. It, frankly, sucks. Especially when the contradictions are not a one day, bad mood thing. Sometimes people just rub each other the wrong way. I understand this. But it can be very wearying when you are the constant target of contradiction from a single person or group of people. No matter what you say, no matter how much it seems to align with what the other person has just said or seems to believe, they will contradict you. They will say you're wrong again and again and again, and then, or someone else, will turn around and say almost exactly the same thing you said and act like it's an original idea.

Like I said, this is no problem when it's an occasional occurence. You should feel honored that this person feels comfortable enough with you as a friend/relative that they take their life's frustrations out on you, knowing that you will forgive them. On the other hand, if this abuse goes on too long, the "victim" (I know that's probably too harsh of a word, but I couldn't think of a better one) simply gets tired and a little bitter. They become sensitized to what the other person says so that comments which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal build up and small things the other person says instantly bother them. This is why families tend to argue a lot when they've been around each other too much. They are sensitized to each other, so they instantly react to comments which they could easily ignore, or even laugh at in other circumstances.

Anyway, time's up. I'm afraid if you want more nonsensical rambling, you'll have to pay for another five minutes. But I doubt anyone's going to do that. I ramble enough as it is . . .